I have been divorced for a little over 1 year now and it has been this long since my son has seen or heard from his father.  He is almost 2 and I know he is very young, but it is still important for him to have a relationship with his father.  I know it's his loss, but at times I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, shame, anger & regret.  I feel that as a single mother, I am stigmatized by having been divorced.  It's a black mark against me.  Every time I hear a broadcast or someone in church teaching about marriage, God's design for marriage or a similar topic, my heart splinters, because I never thought I would find myself in this situation.   It occurs to me, "maybe God wanted me to hear this because I'm the one who was in the wrong, this is all my fault", and I just feel defeated.  I often wonder about my ex and what he is thinking, if he ever thinks about our son or regrets the choices he made (especially with Father's day around the corner)....I hate being double minded like this, knowing that it's a trick of the enemy to beat me down this way & yet still succumbing to it.  Has anyone else ever gone through anything like this?  What helped you to get through such a difficult period? 

I went through a very painful divorce in 2002. My wife of 7 years left me for another man and my world turned upside down. It hurt worse than anything I could imagine - short of a terminal illness or crucfixion. I wanted to kill myself the pain was so bad. It seemed to just linger with no end in sight. Thank God I had no children. I know that has to complicate matters. 

They say it takes 1 year for every 4 years of marriage to "get over it." I found the key to rapidly accelerating that time though. Forgiveness. Forgiveness of the offending party. Forgiveness of your part in it. And forgiveness of God - if you have issues with Him in all of this. I did. I blamed God for letting it all happen - because I was serving Him as a short-term missionary, Sunday School teacher and the head of the Drama Ministry. I didn't think I "deserved" for something like that to happen to me. I know (now) that I was wrong to think that way. But at the time, because I felt God had abandoned me, I needed to forgive Him so that I could have peace.

The by-product of forgiveness is peace. So, if you are hurting, angry, sad - whatever - due to the hurts involved with the divorce, start working on the "70 x 7 forgiveness routine" today. The sooner you find forgiveness, the sooner you will be at peace. And that's when life begins again.

The healing process will continue for quite some time, but it will be a lot easier and take a lot less time. God restored my broken heart, healed my troubled mind and in time restored a new marriage to me.

I got married last July (777) to a wonderful woman who had a 13 year old son. So, now I am remarried AND a dad! I definitely "traded up" and the Lord has "restored the years the locusts had eaten."

I know at this stage it is hard for you to see the other end of the dark tunnel you're in. But take heart, from someone who is now on the other side, there is a hope and a future at the other end. And the way to get there is through the cross and the Amazing Grace of our Savior who "binds up the broken-hearted."

Oh, and another thing... listen to and sing Praise and Worship music as much as you can. God inhabits the praises of His people. He draws near when you praise Him. I bought every CD the group Passion put out. Passion consists of Matt Redman, Chris Thomlin, Charlie Hall and others. Their music truly ushers you into the Lord's presence. I breathed those CDs for the first 2 years following my divorce and it truly helped me in more ways than I can count.

Run to Jesus. He will see you through.

Blessings,

- Rob

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