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Amazing Weekend
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By:
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mellowsong
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Mood:
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Edifying
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Date:
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03/02/2008 20:49:05
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Music:
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None
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I just returned from the most amazing experience of my life. I went to a Women's Retreat on the beach. The Lord provided us with glorious weather. I had never been to a retreat, so I had no idea what to expect. I was scared but hopeful. I KNEW I wanted something more but didn't know what. Here is a short version of what happened to me this weekend.
Before reading this you need to go to:
http://www.fathersloveletter.com/flltextenglish.html
And read/listen to this letter from God.
Yesterday morning, we had a time of "soaking" prayer and then were supposed to journal what we experienced. I was a little upset that so far, I had not really "felt" anything special and journaled that...asking God why HE was being silent when I had come seeking etc etc. Honestly, I kind of yelled at God on paper. Later, we had more prayer time and I went to the prayer team and asked for prayer and even said I wasn't sure what I needed prayer for except I felt lost. One of the prayer ministers told me that she got the word "unforgiveness". I was confused because I have worked so hard on forgiving a lifetime of hurts and honestly thought I had crossed that bridge, but I really prayed hard that He would show me what the block was. Then in the afternoon, somebody gave a testimony and she asked "How many of you believe the Father loves you"? and of course everyone raised their hands. Then her next question was...How many believe the Father LIKES you...and I couldn't raise my hand. I have been so wrapped up in self-hatred, shame, guilt and self pity even. I couldn't like myself, how could anyone else, how could the Father? Suddenly, it hit me that the UNFORGIVENESS was inside of me, the self loathing, the shame, I had to give that up. I didn't know how I was going to do that. I felt so unclean, so unworthy.
Then we went to dinner, and when we came back they did a little skit based on Cinderella, with Characters of Shame, Guilt, Fear and Perfect. The skit ended with the reading of the letter above and Cinderella lifting the signs off the characters replacing them with Joy, Love, Peace. I can't describe in words what happened to me, but it was like I was the one up there with all that being lifted off of me and although I was crying hard, I felt so light and joyful. It's incredible.
I'm mouthy on the computer, but I'm a shy wallflower around people. I can't talk to people or mingle unless I'm in a "teaching" position or manager mode. Anyway, after the skit, Becky (one of the clergy) asked if anyone wanted to share what they experienced. Well, all of a sudden I was on my feet and in front of the room and telling 100 women what had just happened to me. I KNOW the Holy Spirit propelled me up there because no way was I gonna get up and talk. Well, I did, bawling my eyes out. What was amazing is how many people came up to me afterwards thanking me for what I said, that they felt the same way.
All I can say is this was the most amazing experience I have ever had. I feel so much at peace now. I still desire physical healing, but the "desperation" has been lifted. I walked out of there "healed" in the most important way. I know now beyond any doubt that my Father not only loves me, but he likes me too. I know he has a plan for me and I pray that I continue to be open and obedient to his will. My life was changed yesterday. With everything that has happened over the last several months, this was by far the most profound. I am filled with joy.
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